Why I carry a weapon religiously

Okay picture this: It’s a sunny day, the birds are singing, the weather’s great and all’s right with the world. I’m sitting at a traffic light waiting for it to turn green. There’s an old pickup truck in front of me waiting for the same light.

Suddenly the driver of the pickup truck starts yelling cussing at a black guy walking down the sidewalk nearby. In fact, he not just yelling …he’s raging! He’s cussing the guy for all he’s worth, including those ugly racial epitaphs guaranteed to get a black’s attention! Now I’m thinking “What did I miss here?” Because the pedestrian hasn’t done a damn thing that I can see. And when I look closely it’s evident from the look on his face that he doesn’t know what his offense is either.

A green light ended the mysterious affair, we both rolled off and my attention shifts back to my own thoughts and concerns. Both the truck driver and I were in a hurry. I was late for class at the university, and who knows what his excuse was.

We both got up on a stretch of expressway, and then by coincidence we both got off at the same exit. At the bottom of the ramp I again find myself behind the truck driver waiting on a light. Here’s where things get a bit weird. Ever catch someone’s eye in their rearview mirror? That’s what happened; we made eye contact in his rearview, and that’s what started it.

The guy starts ranting and raving, first at the mirror, and then thru the rear window of the truck. Now keep in mind that all I’ve done is make eye contact! This fool starts raging and frothing at the mouth like he just caught me in bed with his wife. Well of course I reacted. In my surprise I mouthed something along the lines of “What the hell is your problem bud?” This had the exact same effect as if I had pissed in his eye. He jumps out of the truck – and what a shock: HE’S BUCK-ASSED NAKED!

He’s also practically foaming at the mouth and …well…raging like an insane idiot! There’s a dark smear of blood across his face starting under his nose and extending all the way around the side to his ear. A big ugly bruise is glaring out from the middle of his forehead as well. It’s clear that Birthday-suit boy has had a run in with someone today already, and he looks like he came off on the short end of the stick.

Now here I am blocked by traffic to the front and rear. And this took place during my poverty stricken years while struggling to raise a family and complete a four year degree in accounting. The car I was driving was a model POS (Piece of Sh*t!) that barely got me from point A to point B, and the most salient aspect of this old heap on this particular day was that it had no windows on either the driver’s or passenger’s side. I had no money beyond just keeping it running enough to cart me around. Now I was in a situation where I couldn’t even lock the door from someone who had all the appearances of being a lunatic.

In far less time than it takes to tell about it, this bloody-faced wanker was advancing on me uttering the most vile threats of violence and mayhem. And I’ve been in my share of fights and fracases, and I know what postering and bluffing looks like, and this was none of that.

When my new friend Buck Nekked made some suggestion that he was going to pull me out of my car and stomp my eyeballs out, I decided to introduce him to my .38 revolver. In those days I didn’t carry, I merely kept a gun in the car. So I raised it up where he could see it as he got closer. I didn’t point it at him – at first, just showed it him.

It didn’t exactly elicit the response I hoped for!

Buck says “I’ll stick that gun up your ass muthaf*cker!” and if anything he stepped up the speed of his approach.

Okay, here goes…last card.

I pointed the gun full in his face (which by this time was only arm’s length away) cocked the hammer and in my most serious tone I said, “I’ll shoot you where you stand you Sumbitch…get your f*ckin ass back in that truck!”

I meant every word of it too. I had no intention of dancing with that whack job there by the side of the road, with him all naked and bloody and wild-eyed.

Something about the tone of my voice, or the look in my eye, coupled with the sweet sound of cocking that S&W made the jackass reconsider his intentions, and his sails deflated pretty quickly. I fretted a moment that he might have a gun of his own in the truck, but the light turned green and we all went mobile again.

It all happened in just seconds…literally. I wasn’t scared as it was happening, but a few minutes later I got a little shaky and had to pull over to take a few deep breaths.

Less than a week later I refused to return a security deposit to a departing tenant who was renting my home out. The very large man walked purposefully toward me and said he’d be just fine with taking it out of my hide. So I allowed HIM to also stare down the barrel of my .38 while he reconsidered his short-term plans for recoupment.

You never know when you're gonna need a leveler …just to keep things peaceful. So these are the events that convinced me that carrying is a good idea. ALL THE TIME.